Let's take some Q & A

As Roseanne Rosannadanna would say, "Mr. Feder, you ask a lot of questions." When it comes to our adoption, we've met a lot of Mr. Feders who ask a lot of questions. We're happy to answer them and will try to answer the frequently asked ones here.

When will you get her? Who is she? Where is she from?
We won’t know who she is, where she’s from, when she was born or anything about her until we receive her referral (see Nov. 13 post). We expect to receive her referral sometime between January 9-20, 2006 and hope to travel to China to pick her up in February or March 2006.

Is she born yet?
Most likely. We requested a 6-12 month old baby girl, so she's alive. She's probably lying in her bed in a crowded room, waiting for us at the end of her red thread.

Why are you naming her Piper?
We wanted a name that was somewhat unique, but not one that would give her a double-whammy with her last name, such as “Zoe Szabo" or "Zsa Zsa Szabo." That's just plain mean. We both grew up with pretty generic names, so we wanted her to have a little spice – a name people have heard of, but still somewhat uncommon. After much discussion, we landed on Piper – and we love it! It’s a happy name for a happy girl.

What's her middle name?
Her middle name will be her Chinese name.

Can/what if you get twins?
This is extremely unlikely but has been done on rare occasions. Since China began allowing significant numbers of foreign adoptions in 1993, there have been over 20,000 children adopted to the U.S. from China. The best available information is that during this time less than 50 sets of twins have been adopted. Each of these cases has represented a unique set of circumstances where the biggest common factor is a large amount of blind luck.

Why are you adopting a baby from China?
We chose China for cultural, spiritual and pragmatic reasons.

We’ve long been intrigued and interested in China’s rich culture and traditions. It’s a huge, amazing, ancient country with an incredible history. We have a deep respect for the people of China and many Chinese philosophies. We are also moved by China’s One Child Rule. Because of its burgeoning population, the Chinese government instigated a One Child Rule that allows only one child per family. Parents who break this rule face serious punishment – fines of a year’s salary and job loss are not uncommon.

At the same time, China has no Social Security. Culturally, boys are Chinese Social Security – they care for their elderly parents. And when they marry, their wives are expected to care for their in-laws. So many Chinese desperately need a son. The clash of political rules and cultural norms results in the abandonment of thousands of baby girls each year.

We believe one of those abandoned babies is our daughter. We believe this is God’s plan for us. We cannot have a biological child, while a world away, a family in China cannot keep their's. It gives us great comfort to know that any delay, any set back, any step along the way is all part of God's divine timing as He leads us to the precise moment when we hold our child in our arms.

For more pragmatic reasons, the Chinese adoption process is reliable and the cost is much less compared to domestic and other international adoptions. Another extremely important factor is that the birth mother won’t change her mind – there is a baby at the end of this process.

Who are her birth parents?
We will never know who Piper's birth parents are. Piper has been left behind by her biological parents for reasons we will never know and can only begin to guess. Her parents probably left her in a very public location, such as a train station, park or possibly within yards of her orphanage where they knew she would be found quickly. Adoptive parent Tom Fisher began writing poetry while adopting his first child from China. These poems are poignant and very moving.

Didn't answer your question?
Feel free to post a question or email us. Or visit Families with Children from China - it's the single best source of information on Chinese adoption. There you'll find answers to such questions as:

• How long does the process take?
• How much does it cost?
• How old are the children?
• Are all the children girls?
• Can you specifically request a boy?