The wayayting is the hardest part

I don't know which is worse - hearing the referral rumors or not.

Right now, the "buzz" on the online adoption discussion boards is that the CCAA is going to announce referrals in two weeks. The Spain boards - who are always right for reasons that are beyond me - say they'll be sending out referrals for families logged in through May and "some" of June.

For a little word, "some" carries a lot of weight. By "some" do they mean June 5? June 9? June 15? I know they don't mean June 28, our log in date, so you can rest assured we aren't in the next group. Possibly the next next...or would that be next once removed?

Regardless, I fluctuate between a Zen/12-Step acceptance of things I can't control to feeling like I'm trapped in one of those hedge mazes running frantically toward an exit I can't find. I belong to four different adoption discussion groups - all with different demographics - and I find myself compulsively clicking between them searching for a scrap, a morsel of information that will bring me some peace. Someday, like the rat in my operant behavioral conditioning lab class, I will be rewarded for continuously pressing that little button. And so, my friends, will you.

Until that time comes, I continue to obsess over what to pack and how to pack it and finishing up her nursery. As Tom Petty once sang, "they wayayting is the hardest part." Ain't it the truth, Tom...ain't it the truth.