Pardon my mood

You'll have to excuse me if I'm a little...snappish. I find I have little patience for much of anything these days. I'm really not interested in anything other than what is going on in the Referral Room at the CCAA.

This wait is agony. It's like quicksand - it can pull you under so easily, and it's such a struggle to keep your head above it all. It would be so much easier to give in and be consumed by it. And like quicksand, I can't breathe. I feel stuck...stuck in one place, unable to move forward. I'm sure they're making progress over there in that Referral Room, but how much progress? Where is our dossier? Where is our daughter? What is happening?!

As usual, rumors abound. And if this wait is like quicksand, rumors are like an oasis. They look so appealing - yet, you can't be sure if they're real. You approach them...unsure at first if you can believe your eyes. But you are drawn to them nonetheless. There's even a website dedicated to China adoption rumors. Go ahead, click on it - you see it glistening on the horizon...go on, because...you never know...this could be the one.

I must say that this whole waiting game is an interesting social experiment. In an effort to control the uncontrollable, to understand the incomprehensible, our worldwide family of June dossiers banded together to get an idea of just how many referrals the CCAA has to make just to cover the June dossiers. My June DTC discussion group determined that there are upwards of 700 babies to be matched. I stopped counting when it was more than 500 before they even reach our "log in date" of June 28.

But believe it or not, that's encouraging. This last batch of referrals sent out Feb. 27 included nearly 300 referrals - as best we can tell. So, if they can keep that pace, we could - could - get Piper's referral in April or May.

Now there's a rumor - of course there's a rumor! - that the CCAA will be matching many, many more days this month. One agency is all but promising their log in date June 24 families that they will receive referrals this month - March.

Take is all with a grain of salt. Guard your heart and believe what you will. Just pardon me if I'm a tad testy right now. I've got a lot on my mind and, quite frankly, none of it involves you.