So what are we doing, anyway?

So I'm driving to work today, preoccupied as usual with the adoption and this inbefrickinlievably long wait. And it dawned on me - what am I really waiting for? Am I waiting for Piper...or am I waiting for "the referral?" It's like a game now, in a way. We're all so obsessed with LIDs and how many people are June LIDs and how long it's taken the CCAA to get through May and what Spain is hearing and what other agencies are telling people...I feel like I've lost sight of the real goal.

The brass ring in all of this isn't "the referral" - it's the baby. And I know one leads to the other, but it's like "the referral" has become what's important. It feels like infertility treatments all over again. The goal became a positive test or a successful round of treatment. All energies and attention were focused on that. Again, that being the means to the end, but with all this riggamaroll you lose sight of what you're in this for.

So today while driving home from work, I had a little sit down with myself and I focused on how great I felt last fall when I thought we were getting our referral in Januaryish. I remembered how I would calculate what time it was in China and wonder what Piper was doing at that exact moment. It was a wonderful game and it made me feel closer to her. So I tried it...and it worked. I remembered the baby. Baby Piper, not "the referral."

Then I remembered that I would send good thoughts and wishes to her birth mom, telling her that I am on my way as quickly as I can...thank her for her sacrifice and assure her that her daughter - our daughter - is going to have a wonderful life.

Try it with me, won't you? China is 14 hours ahead of US Central time, so it's about 9:20 a.m. tomorrow there. She's probably awake, lying in her crib, looking at her cribmate Abbey (hey Dana) and thinking about crying out for another bottle 'cause she's getting hungry again. Send her good thoughts and tell her that mommy is on her way.

That's right, my sweet potato Pi...mommy and daddy are on our way as quick as we can. And we're bringing a bottle.